learning how to completely disappear.

the vinyl is yellow. which makes me happy. the album is soothing, which also makes me happy.

i am happy to be home, pearl is begging for attention 

although, i love to sit at the beach and imagine myself living in a tiny white house, paint peeling from the winds of the ocean, big glass windows, a white picket fence, junky unfinished art projects lounging in the front yard, dug parked in the gravel driveway, a record player, two fat cats, and miscellaneous items scattered through out the house with no particular order. this is the house i want. once james told me "no offense, but i can see you being single all of your life and being completely happy." if thats all i know, there's no other way i can be - but thank you james, i'll take it as a compliment.

you wait,

you wait for something that'll make the wait worth the wait.

and she says patience, darling,

patience, patience, it will come.

back at the beginning.

i told james i liked him and he politely declined me.

two-faced cat!

yesterday was better.

i like the put pictures of myself on my own blog!!

but seriously, today: i woke up at 4 am this morning, watched a james bond movie, fell asleep again, woke up at 9 am, didn't have time to shower, i was twenty minutes late for class, i forgot to sign in, i almost ditched sociology but decided to painfully sit through the class, ate a burrito, burned a cd for lara, sat in james' trailer, went to art class, didn't work on my art project, left art, smoked all my cigarettes, hung out in a parking lot, five out of ten people were stoned, my stomach ate itself, i wore a wig and danced, dreamt about food, and then left because i didn't want to throw water balloons at video gamers.

now i am going to eat the fridge.

**

two kisses: one for me, one for you.

being a George.

[i'd been watching e.t. for a good hour while typing up college applications. my dad walks in and sits down in the red chair.]

dad: ...are you watching this e.t. in spanish?

me: no.

[both of us watch the screen for at least a minute.]

dad: yes you are!

me: oh... i didn't notice.

[the phone rings, i answer it. i talk to my mom for a little bit and hand the phone to my dad.]

dad: hello?

me: dad.... the phone's upside down....

welding activity.

Gianni Giorgio with a plasma cutter, 10.21.08.

ALL THE GIRLS STANDING THE LINE FOR THE BATHROOM

BEFORE:

AFTER:

AND AGAIN:

ahhhhH YEEE :)

another update of sorts,

People left in napa think the best night of their lives is sitting in someone's house drinking and playing beer pong. I don't want to sit around watching really annoying girls get drunk and fling themselves onto douchebaggy looking guys. I'm wasting my time. Tonight I sat on a stool at Gabe's house drawing on my arm because there wasn't any paper. Once I enter quiet mode I can't get out. Also, Gabe doesn't know how to spell 'quiet'. He spelt it 'quite'.

Gabe: Are you having fun?

Annie: Why do you always ask me that?

Gabe: Because you don't look like your having fun.

Of course I'm not having any fucking fun. It's like, the most unfun thing anyone can do: watch people play beer pong.

James: This is you. [imitates me sitting and drawing]

Ashley: You look depressed.

Annie: I'm not depressed.

I want to leave so bad. There is so much more outside of Napa and people left in Napa are so depressing, this is all they know and it's shitty as fuck. I miss the enjoyment of leaving for three months and being excited to come back.

I always do this to myself, but there's no one else around. I need people around me, but I don't even like these people. Well, I don't like half of them.

Horse-face (i.e. Ashley) asked me about my, what she referred to, as my 'love triangle' of James and Gabe this evening:

Horse-face: I heard about you, James, and Gabe and your 'love triangle'.

Annie: Oh yeah? That was a good solid two weeks of fun...

Horse-face: Did you like Gabe?

Annie: I thought he was attractive but I wouldn't say I 'like' him anymore.

Horse-face: It's weird how people change in situations.

Annie: How did you get wind of all this?

Horse-face: I just started hanging out with Gabe and James after it happened. I asked Gabe about it and he said about as little as possible, James was pretty pissed though.

Annie: Yeah, I know. But James and I are still good friends after all the extra shit.

Horse-face bitch, she always tells me how much she loves me when she gets drunk. I don't even fucking know you, and I don't care to get to know you. I have been hanging out with James a lot though. I enjoy his company. Gabe, not so much. I can do without. I can do without because I don't know where I stand with Gabe. In fact, I don't know where to stand at all when he's around. I've passed the point of caring though, now I see him and my face blanks. 

I've been having exceptionally realistic dreams. Most of which involve me telling off Gabe in the most spectacular ways, everything just falls perfectly into my lap and his stands there with his mouth gapping open. Although, one dream became far to realistic for my liking. Last Sunday I dreamt Cameron was telling me I didn't feel well, he finally convinced me. At three in the morning I woke up in a sweat and I stared at my ceiling and I really didn't feel well, I ran to the toilet and spent an hour throwing up.

And then Ian Curry calls me like every other day to go play saxophone with him at some random guys party. I usually deny the invitation because I am with people. Although I wouldn't mind going to play my sax with Ian but it's incredibly awkward being surrounded by people I really don't know and they all happen to be drunk and really stoned - or something along those lines. I don't want to be a wallflower at their party, even though Ian would just be the one initiating conversation and I would really have nothing to worry about. But regardless, it's weird and I'm not very good at saxophone right now.

I have to get onto all the rest of my college applications. I need that reassurance that I will be leaving next fall. Wait, I keep forgetting I have to attend the JC in the spring too. Fuck. The semester system is shitty as fuck.

Carmen, come home! 

how short is too short?

i think i really, really want it. 

the hair cut, not the bathing suit.

Prostitution:

my first stop-motion animation. 

an offering,

an update of sorts.

 

i started with daniel. i told daniel, two nights ago

a: i had sex with gabe.

d: oh....okay....

a: you have nothing to say to that?

d: what am i suppose to say?

now i get a fucking text from him everyday asking what i am doing cos he wants to talk about it, i gave you a fucking chance to say your shit and now i have to get a text every fucking five minutes.

last nights text to daniel: "can you stop texting me right now."

last night:

gabe was sitting 5 feet away, notice the distance but still persistence, i guess:

g: annie, whats wrong?

a: i don't know

g: did you have to much to drink?

a: no

g: well then what's wrong? 

[there was a lot of this shit back and forth]

a: it's my fault, and i told james

g: why did you tell james? i told you not to tell james.

a: i don't fucking know. [because i was left at the cabin for three days staring at the fucking floor, mulling over what everything meant, what it meant to me, and what it meant to you. and i had to fucking say something cos i didn't fucking now. clearly, these words were not said.]

i said sorry more times than i can count on both my hands. but i was told i shouldn't feel bad, its not my fault, and to stop worrying about it because its okay.

g: its okay

a: what does okay mean?

............

then i smoked nearly my entire pack of cigarettes, two shots of vodka, gabe pinched my cheek, i had at least three spectacular conversations with billy rogers, danced with tim and liz to MGMT in the back room, james hugged me goodbye:

j: its not your fault

a: alright, i know its not my fault i just had to be fucking honest which is why i told gabe, because i am not going to fucking sit around and let this shit sink in. if theres anything i value its friendship and honesty and i hold that above everything else. [it was something along these lines, i pretty sure i slurred the last bits.]

i can't remember what james said, but kiss on the cheek and the forehead, and his farewell.

we had just been dancing to MGMT and i wanted a cigarette,

some bitch that wanted gabe's number earlier in the night (she's sitting on the couch being fucking annoying getting a message): you shouldn't smoke, cigarettes are bad for you.

annie: yeah, but i want one so bad and their soooo good.

now i'm outside on the porch with billy

a: stupid fucking bitch telling me i shouldn't smoke cigarettes, like i don't know what their fucking doing to me. i'll have a cigarette whenever the fuck i want. want to talk about destroying your body, stop drinking your fucking alcohol bitch, pretty sure your liver isn't to happy with you right now.

b: i've never smoked a cigarette in my life, and not once have i told someone they shouldn't smoke them.

a: good, and thats what puts us above everyone else's bullshit.

i left soon after that, tim drove me to my car. i said goodbye to liz, who i enjoy talking to a lot, hugged billy goodnight (he twisted his ankle dancing), hugged gabe goodbye, and said my goodbye to tim.

i listened to GirlTalk on the way home.

an over all summary of my night i guess. i don't know if this is going to change anything in terms of friends. i called sarah mid-evening to make sure i did the right thing, and she seems to think so. although, she knows and i know i have to get more information out of this. 

but everything seems to be patched up again. now i've just got to bite the bullet and talk to gabe. 

big holes for big sluts.

i'm digging myself a pretty big hole here and i could really use a cigarette.

like, this hole feels fucking enormous.

zee finale rezultz:

coherent collage:

collage with drawing:

space collage :) :

abstract collage, i don't know if i like this or not:

pearl likes the art work:

she likes it a lot:

i got to light the TORCH!!!

i know how to light a welding torch!

ahh , opinion?

with the hand:

or, without:

or maybe a random location?:

aiiiyyy, commentz plz. 

in addition: greg i need your most favorite email address so i can email you your nasty bruise pictures that are haunting my camera.

sheet to dress>>

thnx mom!!!!1

Spacegirl

Clint kissed me in the tot lot, it was cute.

roboluvr.

starting monday i am going to raid the bric-a-brac and build my own stand-still robot.

declined an act of love:

"Annie, I really like you and would love to see you some time soon. I wish you weren't leaving because I think that we'd get along so well. From the sounds of it you have a really deep desire to travel/explore which I do too.

Shit, I just want to see you... Do you have time for a date? I was going to type out a huge flowery message describing in detail everything that I like about you but I'd rather just take you on a date if you'd allow it."

once again, i have denied another, and myself, love. he was a nice boy and, in fact, i thought he was hilarious. although he was wearing plaid shorts and 'a perfect circle' shirt, his artist skills were through the roof and i was literally loling at him for his creative wit. but i got nervous because i don't know what to do when someone tells me they like me, i get sweaty palms.

But now i am home. So, CARMEN I WANT YOU TO COME HOME NOW!

Introduction to Business and World Affairs:

my artistic touch to a textbook that makes me want to kill myself.

clever, i thought.

Oaxaca, 2006:

get down, stay down.

seattle, 1999:

anti-WTO,

welding.

i want to learn to weld so my back yard can look like this.

i'm thinking :/

i want this one. i think.

this is besides the point, 

i had the most intriguing conversation today. i am not the only one that is bored with this place. maybe its because i don't have access to prestigious academic courses so all i've learned this year has been very minimal. but, if you turn your head the other way i think i've learned a lot. i learned more about reality rather than expanding on intellectual concepts. 

i feel like a test rat, running in and out of my cubical, being tested on various subjects. i would just like to be free of it all. i want to live in a cabin in the woods, shoot squirrels, smoke cigarettes, listen to records, and feel the wind in my hair. 

sort of like this:

lets decide:

this one:

or this one?
or... what should be done?

updating your status:

Annie George What are you doing right now?

Annie George is What are you doing right now?

Annie George is feeding the monster.

Annie is feeding the monster.

Absorbed
in your ill hustling
you're feeding a monster,
just feeding a monster.

Invasion
after invasian,
this means war,
this means war.

Someday you'll be up to your knees
in the shit you seed.
All the gullible
that you mislead
won't be up or it.

Where to
will you relocate
now that it's war.
Now that it's war

creative freedom

Special thanks to:

Tanner Notch, for trimming my bangs. They really are beautiful.

Nate - last name unknown, for scarring my eyebrow. I killed a man.

and, of course, Erin Reeder, for toasting bagels at 2:30 in the morning. She knows what's on my mind.

down &dirty

in response to Carmen's "Chicago 1941"

Oregon, 1920s:

The Ku Klux Klan rose to power in Oregon during the early 1920s becoming the largest

 social organization in the state. Running with the KKK's endorsement and support, Walter Pierce was elected governor of Oregon in 1922.

Portland, OR:

Ashland, OR: 

White supremacy in Oregon. Gross.

jesus, mary, and joseph

true bric-a-brac at The Bins in Portland, OR:

Erin is Jesus, I am Mary, and Joseph is Joseph.

PO,OR