People left in napa think the best night of their lives is sitting in someone's house drinking and playing beer pong. I don't want to sit around watching really annoying girls get drunk and fling themselves onto douchebaggy looking guys. I'm wasting my time. Tonight I sat on a stool at Gabe's house drawing on my arm because there wasn't any paper. Once I enter quiet mode I can't get out. Also, Gabe doesn't know how to spell 'quiet'. He spelt it 'quite'.
Gabe: Are you having fun?
Annie: Why do you always ask me that?
Gabe: Because you don't look like your having fun.
Of course I'm not having any fucking fun. It's like, the most unfun thing anyone can do: watch people play beer pong.
James: This is you. [imitates me sitting and drawing]
Ashley: You look depressed.
Annie: I'm not depressed.
I want to leave so bad. There is so much more outside of Napa and people left in Napa are so depressing, this is all they know and it's shitty as fuck. I miss the enjoyment of leaving for three months and being excited to come back.
I always do this to myself, but there's no one else around. I need people around me, but I don't even like these people. Well, I don't like half of them.
Horse-face (i.e. Ashley) asked me about my, what she referred to, as my 'love triangle' of James and Gabe this evening:
Horse-face: I heard about you, James, and Gabe and your 'love triangle'.
Annie: Oh yeah? That was a good solid two weeks of fun...
Horse-face: Did you like Gabe?
Annie: I thought he was attractive but I wouldn't say I 'like' him anymore.
Horse-face: It's weird how people change in situations.
Annie: How did you get wind of all this?
Horse-face: I just started hanging out with Gabe and James after it happened. I asked Gabe about it and he said about as little as possible, James was pretty pissed though.
Annie: Yeah, I know. But James and I are still good friends after all the extra shit.
Horse-face bitch, she always tells me how much she loves me when she gets drunk. I don't even fucking know you, and I don't care to get to know you. I have been hanging out with James a lot though. I enjoy his company. Gabe, not so much. I can do without. I can do without because I don't know where I stand with Gabe. In fact, I don't know where to stand at all when he's around. I've passed the point of caring though, now I see him and my face blanks.
I've been having exceptionally realistic dreams. Most of which involve me telling off Gabe in the most spectacular ways, everything just falls perfectly into my lap and his stands there with his mouth gapping open. Although, one dream became far to realistic for my liking. Last Sunday I dreamt Cameron was telling me I didn't feel well, he finally convinced me. At three in the morning I woke up in a sweat and I stared at my ceiling and I really didn't feel well, I ran to the toilet and spent an hour throwing up.
And then Ian Curry calls me like every other day to go play saxophone with him at some random guys party. I usually deny the invitation because I am with people. Although I wouldn't mind going to play my sax with Ian but it's incredibly awkward being surrounded by people I really don't know and they all happen to be drunk and really stoned - or something along those lines. I don't want to be a wallflower at their party, even though Ian would just be the one initiating conversation and I would really have nothing to worry about. But regardless, it's weird and I'm not very good at saxophone right now.
I have to get onto all the rest of my college applications. I need that reassurance that I will be leaving next fall. Wait, I keep forgetting I have to attend the JC in the spring too. Fuck. The semester system is shitty as fuck.
Carmen, come home!
