so much beauty in dirt

out of breath and out of cash, find yourself watching M.A.S.H. every night on the couch. woman says lets take a drive down south, roll down the windows and open our mouths, taste where we are and play the music loud. stop the car, lay on the grass, the planets spin and we watch space pass. walk in a direction, see where we get. I never knew nothing so there's nothing to forget. get real drunk and ride our bikes. there's so much beauty it could make you cry. the rich get money but never what they want. find ourselves a new place to haunt. climb up the fire escape, do it till the ground looks far away. go night swimming, leave our clothes on the ground, when we get busted we just stand there proud. it's the truth we all been wrong, make it up and let's move on. play cards we all get to act sly. there's so much beauty it could make you cry.

q,

"life long obsession with eating."

top ten:

i hate being a girl.

letters from Nam

Dear Roberta,

Today is probably the worst day I have ever lived in my entire, short life. Once again we were in contact with Charlie, and once again we suffered losses. The losses we had today hit home, as my best friend in this shit hole was killed. He was only 22 years old and was going on R&R on the first of June to meet his wife in Hawaii. I feel that if I was only a half second sooner in pulling the trigger, he would still be alive.

Strange how short a time a half of a second is--the difference between life and death. This morning we were talking about how we were only two years different in age and how we both had gotten married before coming to this place. You know, I can still feel his presence as I write this letter and hope that I am able to survive and leave this far behind me.

If there is a place called Hell this surely must be it, and we must be the Devil's disciples doing all his dirty work. I keep asking myself if there is a God, then how the hell come young men with so much to live for have to die. I just hope that his death is not in vain.

I look forward to the day when I will take my R&R. If I play my cards right, I should be able to get it for Hawaii so our anniversary will be in that time frame. The reason I say this is by Sept., I will have more than enough time in country to get my pick of places and dates. I promise I will do everything necessary to insure that I make that date, and I hope that tomorrow is quiet.

We will be going into base camp soon for our three-day stand down. I will try to write you a longer letter at that time. Please don't worry too much about me, as if you won't, for I will take care of myself and look forward to the day I am able to be with you again.

Love,
Stan

tuesday lists.

i hate when your going to bed but there's nothing planned for you tomorrow. you have absolutely nothing to do. its a little depressing thinking about it. like, what can i do that will take up loads and loads of time? so then you make a list of all the possible things:

laundry

put sheets on bed*

card

collage box

start working on paper**

clean room***

read, and read some more - coffee included

summer classes

find cheap tickets to chicago.****

*i'm going to bed with out any sheets on my bed, its just the bare bones of comforters and pillows tonight.

**this is actually really important, this paper is going to be hard. i guess i'll be in peets tomorrow, as per usual.

***i.e. my closet. i.e. throw away a bunch of shit and stop being a pack-rat. i.e. get ready to move. ... that can be my job over the summer.

****this is VERY important. vacation away from home :)