you. are. a. hypocrite.

December:

My wellness month.

Having no money means:

no smokes - of any kind

no drinks - specifically beer

no eating out - unless some sugar daddy's come around

I'll miss beer the most.

I swam laps for an hour today, I feel better but one hour out of one day won't change much. Hopefully I can change some habits and acquire some new ones this December - before the daunting date of January 1st.

If I'm driving, Tim should work around my schedule.

too stressed. feeling motherly.

I need christmas break. It can't come soon enough. Too much work to do between now and then.

I forgot what it's like to wake up early, get coffee, and enjoy that breezy morning chill. Being sick, taking advil PM to get a full nights rest, staying up way to late, and having only evening classes is everything I have to blame for not waking up at 8:30 every morning.

And finishing up my fifth week of school tonight means only four more weeks of school until christmas break.

weekend-get-away:

tut tut, look's like rain.

the love you had might be your last:

Napa: 94 degrees
Annie: swimming in Auntie's pool
Dinner: BBQ

I got homesick yesterday and decided to drive the two hours back home for the weekend. I still get a full two nights in since
I don't have class till 5 pm on Monday. Which is just perfect, I think a dose of Dug and a temperature shock of jumping into
that freezing cold pool will hold me over for another month. But other cravings might have me coming back for more and more.

I thought that

this wouldn't hurt a lot,
I guess not.


I am rather frustrated with myself. And right next to frustrated is confused - thinking I used to want one thing and now I want the other. Or maybe I am just being selfish. I am selfish. I blame this on being the younger sibling though...always wanting to play but never having the company.

Maybe I am a fool. Please don't play me as a fool. My heart broke on the drive home today as if I was leaving a major part of my life behind. Not feeling wanted and feeling left behind was the worst part too - next to listening to the melancholy voice of the Heartless Bastards draining my ears on I-5.

Hopefully, I am not a fool.

objectives:

try to keep my room clean

don't sleep with my textbooks on my bed - not so becoming or welcoming

always hang up my clothes

mail a package

get my vacuum back - maybe breaking a heart on the way out

have a beer, play pool.

and eat better (e.g. not going out to eat like evers).

I'm glad when that when I leave Santa Cruz, I miss it.

i like tedious things like printing out articles double sided using a single sided printer.

breakfast/lunch.

today's creation: sun-dried tomato, basil, and over-medium egg sammich. wheat toasted. with a side of soy chocolate milk.
only the best way to distract from the huge amount of homework I have due this up coming week. as well as chris being in
santa cruz, also way distracting. but thats only accepted distractions since I loathe doing homework in the evenings.
now to pretend like I am going to start doing my homework at 2:30 pm. at least I will start with making a list.

sunshine, lollipops, & rainbows

gah. confessions of a dangerous mind. sam rockwell makes me drool.

hour and a half wait at the bowling alley. we played pool instead. something I am terrible at but

hope to be brilliant at. my insides are hurting a bit, and not in the normal way and its starting

to freak my out but I'll give it a couple of more days before I make my first, dreaded, trip to

the student health center in which they will probably just tell me I am coocoo OR something

absolutely terrible that I would never want to hear - anything other than coocoo is terrible

news.

tuesday evenings.

I have lots of things to do but I rather sit and drink beer while watching Dead Men Don't Wear Plaid.

And then go bowling with Chase. Wednesday's are for homework.

Helping other people stumble home is just about the hardest, most tiring activity - begging them not to fall asleep on the side walk, begging them to get home, and begging cops not to arrest.

I cannot wait to come home friday. A weekend of leisure awaits me before I have to come back to Santa Cruz and do everything all over again.

This was suppose to be more in depth on all the trillion little things that have changed and/or have happened in Santa Cruz but maybe next time.

got a hairwrap at havenhouse. now its time for bed.

s

my mind is restless but it won't focus on one thing.

homework? no thanks.

food shopping? i can last a little longer.

return movies? the library is closed on fridays.

goodwill? maybe.

hang out with simon? he hasn't answered yet.

drink coffee downtown? i'd have to incorporate homework into that.

read? i need a book to read that isn't tocgueville, marx, or weber; i'd feel guilty reading not things homework related.

bake? maybe an apple crisp.

i should just bake something. i'll just bake chocolate chip cookies.

i'm getting stressed again.

midterms for classes that are moving at an alarming rate, that blinking red light on the top right corner of my phone telling me that someone somewhere is trying to get my attention, my stomachs growling because i don't want to go to safeway, i'm burning a hole in my wallet because i just wanted some beer, and finally i truly dislike fourth of july.

luckily for me this weekend was filled with chris, beers, bars, and ellen degeneres.

new obsessions:

(and some revisited):
hula hooping.

bows & bald spots in my hair!

and revisited going-away-to-college gifts by the only most talented :)

weekdays consist of reading, homework, classes.

weeknights consist of dinner, beer drinking, and excessive hula hooping.

THIS COMING WEEKEND WITH CONSIST OF chris coming to santa cruz fo da fourth!!! which ultimately consists of some more beers in my belly!

my night consists of one fly buzzing around my room, tim singing rilo kiley while he pee's (yes, tim, i can hear you singing in the bathroom), and the sopranos easing me to sleep.

and when finally making it home after waiting for 45 minutes for a bus and making chase and tim come pick me up i was welcomed home to homemade pasta, homemade salad, beer, and, of course, my hula hoop ! sadly i must read manifesto tomorrow and homeworks before 1:30. no rest till ....

my stomach is always reminding me about how i really feel. the past week its been makin' me feel like a nervous-nelly... who knows if my actions and decisions are correct. how come you can never know whats really right or wrong till its gone, or why does is it so goddamn selfish-like.

my favorite

afternoons are often centered around food.

banana muffins !

gettin' antsy for june 10th !

1. i collected my free food - art gallery showings up on campus are rad, but mostly super awkward. i always seem to be the one people don't know so i end up standing around like an idiot while tim wanders from group to group. i also almost stole some guys hotdog of the grill.

2. i avoided rocky horror - yesss!!! success. actually, i think tim either forgot about it or he was so focused on NOT spending the night in his lonesome bed that he didn't want to go. regardless, i didn't have to see a ton of porter students dressed with their tits out.

3. definitely avoided drunk tim - BUT we were at some stupidly crowded party in which two guys started fighting and knocked into tim spilling his beer all over me.

4. feel asleep before drunk tim - also success. actually, tim didn't come home. so i guess he got what he wanted OR he drunkenly got stuck somewhere. but he follows his choice of girl like a puppy dog so i am sure he followed her into bed last night. poor girl.

5. all this being said, i had to walk all over the westside last night. and then home from a little bit far away. but i am glad i walked when i did cos seconds after leaving the house a copper turned those fancy lights on.

6. and big sigh for now having to live with single-tim. i have to avoid cockblocking and hopefully never have to hear anything.

twomoreweeks. twomoreoneweekperiods. twelvemoredays. fivemoreweekenddaysandsevenmoreschooldays. i am busting out of my seems, i want all my school work to be over. so i guess its off to the public library today.

megafault 2009

megabadhair, brittany.

"previously unknown inter-plated slip faults of uncharted length - could continue to rupture indefinitely and tear across the whole united states"

brittany is not scientist.

MOUFF'FULLA GERMZ

of course my throat starts achin' when finals is just around the corner.

goal: be done with school June 9th.

tragic hair on tragic sundays after tragic parties.

must attack massive work load.

smells like...

mowed grass

sunscreen

chlorine

ocean

looks like...

3 papers, 1 presentation, 2 tests away from summer.

summers like...

(crossing my fingers for two, but probably only one) two weeks of nothing, two summer sessions, twenty-two credits until september.

cupcakes !

most definitely excited to spend my entire weekend in davis.

in the mean time, my thesis isn't getting any stronger but the paper is most acceptable!

i guess i may be turning into a 30 year old woman.
todays tasks:
walk up Merrill hill
print stuff
survive writing 2
walk home
eat something
walk to the library
do all homework
call erin
walk home
veg out
have dreams.

dinner is served.
the sopranos are waiting for me.

whats the difference between me&you?

i was mitigating the fight, not fighting in it.
i had to stop simon from beating the shit out of time with some brass knuckles. both boys are emotionally unstable due to 1yr++ relationships.



on the plus side, this is from the art exhibit i went to today. it was a room full of 1,000 balloons. a room full of balloons, an adults play pin. +bbq, dericious.
to much unnecessary drama this evening. no doubt i will have to recap it all tomorrow morning over breakfast and ferris' day off.

goodnight, santa cruz.


ps. carmen, it wasn't yarn :) it was floss!!! i hemmed it with floss. haha. i had no other means of hemming. not sewing machine. no person to message the length of the dress/make my hem job straight.

pps. :DDD

worse hem job ever,
project runway here i come.

my insecurity level is currently through the roof. i don't know how it came about,

but its been hanging around on my back for awhile.

if i know everything is socially constructed, why do i feel so ROTTEN?

< 3

i love love

potlucks at the house on cayuga - drinks, singing, FOOODDDD, dancing, tapping, slapping . ....

facepaints, taboo, art(ists_)

AND

"pass the gorp, jesus"

(as i prepare for drunken slumber tim belts in the living room as if every song he sings is to grace - ))))))

:B

"she moves so easily she reminds me of sunlight"

drunk tim = falling + hugging

tim fell half-way down our stairs this evening. i had to bandage him up .

this is, quite literally, what happened.

count down (or maybe up - ?? )

10 days until i am 21.

3 days and fifteen minutes till i am in chicago.

3 days and fifteen minutes until i see carmen (and maybe even Garmen!!!).

3 days until i give a bullshit presentation on the apollo program.

2 days until i turn in my take home final to my professor/meet my group members to glue things to a poster.

1 day till i start assembling the group paper.

(no picture available)

7 hours till i should be done writing my take home final essay.

edward sharpe and the magnetic zeros

good show last night, first one i have seen in santa cruz .

in addition, the internet in my apartment has gone MIA so now i am sitting in a coffee shop that is actually wonderful but i got the last seat sitting next to the mens restroom so now i get the delightful smell of piss urry time some man goes to the bathroom.

awks.

my new favorite t-shirt sweater - there's never really a good time of a year for a t-shirt sweater, it just doesn't really make sense.

[to carmen] in addition, i guess i got tim hyped up for the city really bad - i'm not sure why. but heres how it went:

annie: no, i'm going to the city on saturday though

tim: oh yeah! i'm down i am sooo down!

annie: well thats the thing...

tim: i'm down !

annie: i was wondering if it was cool if i just went

tim: oh.. yeah, you can take my car...

annie: oh no, its alright i have my zipcar. i didn't mean to get you hyped up or anything - we'll just be fabric shopping

tim: no its cool... i guess it would be kind of weird.

AND THEN I FELT BAD. but i mean, really tim? oops. i am hoping he was stoned enough to forget, which i am sure he was.

alright, now its time to fall asleep to anthony bourdain's hunky man voice talking about delicious foods i'll probably never get around to trying.

drenched/

this is how wet my pants are. i have a sick dried pants bikini line !

dis isssss my thrifted shirt. okay. you can't see it, but i was really into my wisp of hair chillin in the photo.

tim is / was super fucked up last night / this morning.

i just don't know what to do today...

maybe join this club